Thursday, September 11, 2008

Letting Go and Letting Yah

A week ago I got together with my girls, 4 amazing women, Yadira, Rachael, Tarsha and Neubela. Originally what was called a meeting turned into fellowship, not really so different from other times of great fellowship yet different by way of important revelations. As we answered the 5 strong questions that Tarsha put before us to ponder a week before in regard to POC's future, we discovered that as different as each of us are, we're also very similiar in our desire to go deeper in our relationship with our Heavenly Father.

What was brought to the table of discussion via this fellowship, so to speak, was our determination to draw closer to YAH that He will draw closer to us individually effecting what we accomplish corporately as POC.

Yadira has politics in her future, Rachael is moving into a confidence and boldness unlike any other time in her life, Neubela is growing in her prophetic gifting and balancing the dynamics of being a working from home/stay at home Mom, Tarsha is being prepared and anticipating an important role that's about to take place in her life: Motherhood and I am making that very necessary transition from employee to business owner.

Each of us have decided to move into the 'drawing closer' call upon our lives. We have discovered that we have to slow down in order to speed up. Individually, as we've been led to a consecration that's designed to take us to a deeper level Spiritually. This next level will supernaturally equip us for what we've been predestined for not only as individuals but as the corporate entity, Point of Creation.

As we practice and stand in the 3 P's Neubela in prophecy gave us, Presence, Praise and Power, we become even more unstoppable in clarity, creativity and commitment, leaning on Him and not on our own understanding.

This drawing closer will also be established through the FEF Deeper Life Discipleship Program AND The School of the Holy Spirit. No matter what the chosen avenue is for each women, I am assured that Yah's Will is be done in our lives.

As we have chosen to Let go (of our own understanding) and Let Yah, we will come into a place in each of our lives and together as POC, that will establish us as world changing, yoke destroying, burden removing, cheerful giving, prayer warriors, solid and powerful Women of God/Yah.

In the meantime, we are and remain connected and in relationship, friends and Sisters-in-Faith for life!

Saturday, May 17, 2008

"That Your Days May Be Long On The Earth"

Pastor Dan' s message on Mother's Day about honoring our parents was both powerful and uncomfortable.

I don't have any problem honoring my Mom. We have a very close relationship, even though we're not always in agreement on many things, she can out talk me on every occasion and gets on my last nerve when she talks to me at times as if I'm 10 years old and don't know a thing life or about chopping onions.

However, at the end of the day, I can forgive her of these things, she has a great heart, would give me her last if she had to, always tells me I'm beautiful, is my biggest 'fan' and has never made me feel that she was sorry that she gave birth to me. That's my Mom and as the song goes "I'll always love my Mama, she's my favorite girl".

As far as my Father goes, this is where honoring is a major challenge.

I haven't had the best relationship with my Father throughout most of my life. Despite the difficulty, I have made many attempts to connect with my Dad, I mean after all I look like him, the same big eyes, the same smile, my love for books and reading came from him, however those re-connections never lasted very long. My parents haven't been together since I was two years old so I wasn't used to living under the same roof with them. I had weekends with him which I began to dread as I got older. I do remember some good times that we were able to have once in awhile but those times were short lived.

This last time I spoke to my Father was almost three years ago.

He sent a book to me called the 'The Richest Man In Babylon" out of the blue. I started going over the last conversation that I had with him in my head, trying to remember what I said to him to motivate him to send that book. I remember many years ago during a 'good' conversation with him, I mentioned that I wanted to make Collard Greens for Thanksgiving and that it would be the first time ever taking that on. A few days later "Strawberry Wine and Spoonbread" arrived in the mail with the recipe for Collared Greens bookmarked. I never forgot that. I've been making my collard greens just like that recipe ever since and it has been the most requested dish for many of the family and friend get togethers.

My Mom looked at the new book he sent and thought that I should call him and thank him, but I didn't want to call. I told my Mom that I would call the next day but she didn't agree with me. We went back and forth on it for about thirty minutes until I gave in. In my heart I really didn't want to talk to my father that day, it didn't sit well with my Spirit but I took my Mom's counsel saying that it was the right thing to do. So I called.

The conversation went exactly as it has always gone, me talking, my Father sounding like he wasn't too thrilled to hear from me, (even though his gift is what prompted my call in the first place), his responses monosyllabic - yes, no and an occasional Uh huh.... just downright unpleasant.

Then suddenly he told me to call him when I finished reading the book and let him know what I thought about it but to be sure to consult my TV Guide before I made the call. Consult my TV Guide? What the heck did that mean? So I asked him what did he mean? He went on to explain that he was a fan of the TV show CSI and that I had called him in the middle of watching it. I then apologized for disturbing him while he was watching his favorite show (thinking that I may have known about that had we been in communication more regularly). I also felt the need to let my Father know that I don't and have never owned a TV Guide because in the most recent years I have cut down on my TV watching. However, I can respect that he enjoyed TV and just so that we could be on the same page I asked what would be the best time to call him, "just consult your TV Guide" he said again with an impatient tone. Was this man kidding me?!

Now this is when I came to the point of almost losing it. Even though I'm not a huge fan of CSI, I do know for a fact that there are 3 different variations of that show, CSI Miami. CSI New York and just CSI, these shows are not only broadcasted on prime time TV but also in Syndication on cable stations on different days and times so consulting my TV Guide (even if I owned one) would not be very helpful making it literally impossible to figure out what day and time to place that call to discuss a book that I didn't even ask for.

This is where I made the decision that I will not be jerked around emotionally any more by a Father that is old enough to realized that acting like a jerk is a very good way to keep your kids from calling and communicating with you on a regular basis.

I've been told on numerous occasions (actually by my Father's second and ex-wife) that he loves me. On very rare, 'I can count on my fingers' times my father has told me that he loves me.

How in the world do you honor someone who has verbally, mentally and emotionally (and a few times physically, such as slaps and a beating with a belt and being cut by the buckle) abused you. How do you honor someone who informs you of the death of a family member by mailing the funeral program. How do you honor someone who is so 'hell bent' on hurting you. How do I honor a man who's actions and words communicate hate.

I don't want to come across like I'm perfect, never have been and never will be, but I have heard nightmare stories about daughters that have caused their mothers and fathers much grief, drugs, pregnancies, all kinds of wild things, things that I never even wanted to do to disappoint my parents....yet you would think I did something awful like this to be treated this way for almost as long as I can remember.

I have always wanted to honor my father, he's the one that contributed to me coming into this world along with my mother.

This is something that I've prayed about for long time. I often think "who is going to walk me down the aisle and give me away?" and it saddens me that it may not be my father. I mean there are other father figures in my life but it just seems so much better if your own father is alive and well, that it should be him. The problem is the relationship between he and I is not alive and well.

I continue to pray to my Heavenly Father and trust His guidance in this.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Sowing Seeds of Wellness

Last night my POC Partner and good friend Rachael and I did our first Wellness Workshop together at a Women's shelter in Manhattan.

I was so excited about this opportunity that I got up a 5am that morning reviewing my notes and making sure that my handouts were in order. It was all I could do to get through the day and then finally we were there and the evening begun. The Ladies, an impressive lively bunch began to file in one after the other, about 20 of them, ready and eager to check us out and hear what we had to say.

I was so proud of Rachael, the ultimate Refiner, organized with a few reminder notes on index cards and her handouts, she kicked off the workshop speaking on the Importance and Benefits of Drinking Water as our ladies begin to settle in with their little plates of fresh fruits and veggies and small bottles of Fiji water, that was provided for their enjoyment. I loved when Rachael quizzed the ladies throughout her presentation, I learned some stuff too. Then before I knew it it was my turn. I talked about Enzymes - the importance and benefits of eating live foods.

These women were so eager to learn and take in the information. I was really impressed with how much they already knew and how much they wanted to change their current situations. They asked questions and expressed personal concerns and my heart went out to them. One of the things that came out during our time with them was their frustration and dissatisfaction with the food that is served to them at the shelter and the strict rules and regulations about what they can purchase and bring in. They wondered why healthier food programs have not been implemented in these kind of a facilites and even in hospitals. I shared my personal story with them about my challenge with Diabetes and how doctors wanting to keep me on meds for the rest of my life angered me and propelled me to find a better way, a nutritional way to combat my dis-ease. I felt that same anger for them along with a determination to do something about it - such as what we did last night. To continue to link arms with our Sister Sonya, our Diva On A Mission and make it happen.

The Ladies of this shelter stirred my heart. This opportunity to sow seeds of wellness I believe stirred up Rachael and my gifts.

I could have continued talking and sharing and listening to these ladies for hours if Sonya hadn't given me the signal to stop. I thought it was because I may have started to ramble but Sonya assured me that it was because it was time for us the leave the space, we had exceeded out time. She said "No Girl, I could have sat here another hour!" Quite a few of the ladies felt the same. They engaged Rachael and I in some very interesting conversations, way past the time we were suppose to leave. We were asked continuosly if there was a Part 2 to our workshop and when would we be back. All good signs.

A few months ago, We, Point of Creation, said Yes to our Sister-in-Faith's request for help and now the opportunities to do what Yahweh has called us to do are presenting themselves.

I went to bed for the first time in a long time feeling like I was a part of and actively doing something significant. I enjoyed it and want to do it again. I look forward to Rachael and I doing more Health and Wellness Worshops in the near future. There is more to come. The best is yet to come!

I thank Yah for Sonya, aka Miss Diva at the shelter, for her bold, caring and obedient heart. How could I have said no to her request? No, was not an option.

Also, I want to send a 'Praise Yah' shout-out to Gloria Bradford, who sowed a financial seed for the fruit and veggies that the Ladies enjoyed.

I am humbled and I am grateful.

Monday, March 17, 2008

STRETCHING MY WINGS!

Game Over!
That's it!
Enough is enough!
Mission Possible!

Sunday, March 16th I stood on my feet in Church, stirred up, propelled, tears streaming down my face, determined and refusing to be average!

I shouted "I AM NOT AVERAGE! HALLELUJAH!!!"

As my Pastor Dan laid hands on me in prayer, speaking over me and speaking a Prophetic word straight into my Spirit "All limitations are gone! All excuses are gone! All habits are gone! All blame is gome! The memories that make you cry at night...gone!" Each sentence jumping right into my heart!

I can never be the same. I cannot sit on what Yahweh has put in me. I have to press pass only using cannot 10 percent of my potential.

I'm not satisfied being 'small' - thinking small, living small.

I have to stretch my wings.

"You are Special in God's eyes. God calls you Friend" Barry Tubbs said "Give all you are and all that you have to God"

I wanted to scream, I wanted to hide and yet I felt encouraged, I grabbed hold of the hope and I stood more securely on my faith.

God quipped me to be successful. It's not about waiting to get all 'my ducks in the row". It's a about pressing forward now.

Yah expects me to be successful.

I left church knowing, believing that I'm not the same anymore.

I get to live the second half of my live above average.

I have a lot to do, there is much on my plate, but I refuse now to make excuses.

It's time to step to the plate and press, get the job done. Be all that Yah has called me to be.

Forgive me Abba for holding back. Forgive me for putting my light under a bushel.

He has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.

The good news is that I don't have to do it alone. I'm covered and surround by the extraordinary people that He placed to be in my life and there are others to come.

The women of POC - I am so grateful for my association with them, my connection, my relationship with each of them. Together, I know that we will not allow each other to be average! We've been brought together to bring out the best in each other and together bring out the best in others. We have a mission and the message on Sunday and Pastor Dan's prayers and prophecies took us to the next level.

How long has it taken me to realize that I was created to be a problem solver?!

I am a problem solver! There are people out there that need me.

If I obey, I get to do what I love, I get to live the life I dreamed of and I get to help others do the same

I cannot be the same, not after hearing Yah's voice so powerfully telling me to get off my 'keister' and do what He has called me to do and to do so without fear, in faith, wallking in love.

In in good company, none of the Heroes of the Bible had all their 'ducks in the row' when they answered Yah's call.

I will stop making excuses for not being excelllent, I will look to Him where my help comes and ask Abba Yahweh to help.

I'm answereing his call.

I am intensely interested in my future.

I'm moving up.

I'm an Eagle, no more hanging in the Chicken world.

I'm spreading my wings, it's time to get out the barnyard and fly!

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

The Hope of Change

Change. I hear this word over and over again, even find myself almost 'chanting 'it.

Change the word just springs forward out of every mouth involved in an earnest conversation.

Change, grabs my attention from a paragraph that I' reading, sprinkled throughout my Pastor's message, and even most recently like an oasis in the desert,promised by a dynamic Presidential candidate.

I need change like I need water. It's just that important, just that vital.

As the beads of sweat roll down the side of my face from a way to hot office, I welcome the change that is just on the horizon, freeing me to build my my own dreams, my own business where I can control the temperature.

I think about how much I have changed. I can see it more than ever now and even say that I've changed without looking at what still needs changing and marinating in that yucky "I'm not good enough mode"

I feel determined and bold to make change happen, not just in my life but in the lives of those sent to me to 'coach' and assist to make change happen.

I can do this. I can make change happen, I can call those things that be not as though they were, I can watch my thoughts, I can walk in the Spirit of Love and self-control and I can really TRUST Yahweh to do His work of change in me.

When I think back even just five years ago, I remember how change unnerved me. I really didn't like change even though I acted as though I did. I become depressed when Summer turned to Fall.

I hid my fear of change, that fear made me miserable and and quite honestly kept me from progressing.

Getting older, however, has a way making necessary changes happen. There may be a pep in your step, and you may be wearing the 'youth of the eagles' on your face but your Spirit knows that you're just standing in one place marking time and your realize that you either have to go with the flow of change or just die living a mediocre life.

Change is good even when it hurts, the other side of change is cool, the other side of change is a blessing, the other side of change is hope, from hope we can move further into faith and with faith we CAN move mountains.

Change does the mind, body and Spirit good!

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Grateful

Suddenly it hits me, like I haven't know this before, I have much to be grateful for.
At this moment I'm swimming in gratitude.
Grateful to be painfree, alive, meeting the mercy that's new every morning.
It's been said, that which does not kill us makes us stronger.
I'm alive therefore I'm stronger!
I look at my Mom and I'm bowled over by her strength, her faith, the capacity of her gratitude in the face of the numerous challenges that has hit her life.
I'm humbled and propelled to face my own physical challenges fortified with a newfound mix of faith, strength and gratitude.
I'm breathing, I can see, hear and pray, I'm still standing. Celebrating "above groundness"
I am blessed and not cursed.
"This is my comfort and consolation in my affiction that Your Word has revived me and given me life." - (Psalm 119:50)
Meditating the Word restores my gratitude.
"I am rooted, established, strong, immovable and determined." - (1 Peter 5:9)
Let me say it once again, I'm grateful!

Saturday, December 29, 2007

New Beginnings

I learned a few weeks ago that the #8 as in 2008 represents New Beginnings.
I'm not only looking forward to a new year, more specifically, I'm looking forward to New Beginnings.
I look forward to New Beginnings manifesting in the lives of those I care for as well as those that cross my path.
I crave New Beginnings.
This new year will be lived unlike any other year with important changes taking place.
2007 represented a year of preparation and a year of necessary growth.
There were challenges yet clarity
Today, I welcome the New Beginnings of 2008.
I have a newer vision.
Old Dreams have re-awakened, new dreams born.
I anticipate the refreshing, refinement and and restoration that New Beginnings bring.
The best is yet to come!