"That Your Days May Be Long On The Earth"

Pastor Dan' s message on Mother's Day about honoring our parents was both powerful and uncomfortable.

I don't have any problem honoring my Mom. We have a very close relationship, even though we're not always in agreement on many things, she can out talk me on every occasion and gets on my last nerve when she talks to me at times as if I'm 10 years old and don't know a thing life or about chopping onions.

However, at the end of the day, I can forgive her of these things, she has a great heart, would give me her last if she had to, always tells me I'm beautiful, is my biggest 'fan' and has never made me feel that she was sorry that she gave birth to me. That's my Mom and as the song goes "I'll always love my Mama, she's my favorite girl".

As far as my Father goes, this is where honoring is a major challenge.

I haven't had the best relationship with my Father throughout most of my life. Despite the difficulty, I have made many attempts to connect with my Dad, I mean after all I look like him, the same big eyes, the same smile, my love for books and reading came from him, however those re-connections never lasted very long. My parents haven't been together since I was two years old so I wasn't used to living under the same roof with them. I had weekends with him which I began to dread as I got older. I do remember some good times that we were able to have once in awhile but those times were short lived.

This last time I spoke to my Father was almost three years ago.

He sent a book to me called the 'The Richest Man In Babylon" out of the blue. I started going over the last conversation that I had with him in my head, trying to remember what I said to him to motivate him to send that book. I remember many years ago during a 'good' conversation with him, I mentioned that I wanted to make Collard Greens for Thanksgiving and that it would be the first time ever taking that on. A few days later "Strawberry Wine and Spoonbread" arrived in the mail with the recipe for Collared Greens bookmarked. I never forgot that. I've been making my collard greens just like that recipe ever since and it has been the most requested dish for many of the family and friend get togethers.

My Mom looked at the new book he sent and thought that I should call him and thank him, but I didn't want to call. I told my Mom that I would call the next day but she didn't agree with me. We went back and forth on it for about thirty minutes until I gave in. In my heart I really didn't want to talk to my father that day, it didn't sit well with my Spirit but I took my Mom's counsel saying that it was the right thing to do. So I called.

The conversation went exactly as it has always gone, me talking, my Father sounding like he wasn't too thrilled to hear from me, (even though his gift is what prompted my call in the first place), his responses monosyllabic - yes, no and an occasional Uh huh.... just downright unpleasant.

Then suddenly he told me to call him when I finished reading the book and let him know what I thought about it but to be sure to consult my TV Guide before I made the call. Consult my TV Guide? What the heck did that mean? So I asked him what did he mean? He went on to explain that he was a fan of the TV show CSI and that I had called him in the middle of watching it. I then apologized for disturbing him while he was watching his favorite show (thinking that I may have known about that had we been in communication more regularly). I also felt the need to let my Father know that I don't and have never owned a TV Guide because in the most recent years I have cut down on my TV watching. However, I can respect that he enjoyed TV and just so that we could be on the same page I asked what would be the best time to call him, "just consult your TV Guide" he said again with an impatient tone. Was this man kidding me?!

Now this is when I came to the point of almost losing it. Even though I'm not a huge fan of CSI, I do know for a fact that there are 3 different variations of that show, CSI Miami. CSI New York and just CSI, these shows are not only broadcasted on prime time TV but also in Syndication on cable stations on different days and times so consulting my TV Guide (even if I owned one) would not be very helpful making it literally impossible to figure out what day and time to place that call to discuss a book that I didn't even ask for.

This is where I made the decision that I will not be jerked around emotionally any more by a Father that is old enough to realized that acting like a jerk is a very good way to keep your kids from calling and communicating with you on a regular basis.

I've been told on numerous occasions (actually by my Father's second and ex-wife) that he loves me. On very rare, 'I can count on my fingers' times my father has told me that he loves me.

How in the world do you honor someone who has verbally, mentally and emotionally (and a few times physically, such as slaps and a beating with a belt and being cut by the buckle) abused you. How do you honor someone who informs you of the death of a family member by mailing the funeral program. How do you honor someone who is so 'hell bent' on hurting you. How do I honor a man who's actions and words communicate hate.

I don't want to come across like I'm perfect, never have been and never will be, but I have heard nightmare stories about daughters that have caused their mothers and fathers much grief, drugs, pregnancies, all kinds of wild things, things that I never even wanted to do to disappoint my parents....yet you would think I did something awful like this to be treated this way for almost as long as I can remember.

I have always wanted to honor my father, he's the one that contributed to me coming into this world along with my mother.

This is something that I've prayed about for long time. I often think "who is going to walk me down the aisle and give me away?" and it saddens me that it may not be my father. I mean there are other father figures in my life but it just seems so much better if your own father is alive and well, that it should be him. The problem is the relationship between he and I is not alive and well.

I continue to pray to my Heavenly Father and trust His guidance in this.